We are moving down the line to my next born. Quite understandably, there was a 9-year gap between my firstborn and my secondborn. And like most pregnancies…they were completely different! For one, with my first son, and being just 17, I can honestly say I was not trying at all. With my next one, I was married to my best friend and wanted so badly to start a family together and was so excited for my first son to have a sibling finally! But we all know, sometimes when you try too hard, it does not go quite the way you had planned.
I was obsessed. A bit over the top about it and a little TMI…but my husband was afraid of me! I had become an addict and the deed became not fun at all for him. I took my temperature every day and made my little chart. I had rules and positions and timing was everything! Except…it wasn’t working. It was only succeeding in driving me crazy and driving a little wedge between me and the one man on earth that I wanted to have a mini-me of. We tried for a solid year and nada.
I reached out to a fertility specialist after talking with my PCP and they said since I already had a normal easy pregnancy and it had been a year since we started trying, I qualified to come in for an evaluation. This was in early 2003 and all this fertility stuff was pretty new to me. We took all the little tests and when we were given the results I was told that I had PCOS and my chances of getting pregnant each month were about 25% of women without PCOS. And the hubby scored a D on his swimmers. They scheduled a visit in 1 month to start fertility medication. They also said there was a 10% chance that we could have twins and to mull that over before our appointment.
I was thrilled!!! For many reasons. Firstly, I was so elated to learn that there was actually something wrong with us and that I wasn’t crazy! A huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Secondly, it meant that I was just that much closer to having the baby that I was so anxious to meet. My husband was rightfully grateful that he could have a little break! Hahahaha! Things were better than they had been in a year. I was carefree and happy and literally went around whistling and singing all day long. We were laughing, enjoying each other’s company, going on lots of “dates” and just being in the moment.
The day had arrived to go in and start the medication. We even came to terms with having multiples and were ready to rock! They require a pregnancy test before your first dose of medicine and they do it right there in the clinic. I went back, took the test, and came back to the waiting room while they processed the results. The nurse came back into the waiting room and said, “Ok! We have a positive!” I jumped up and said, “Alright! I am ready to get this started!” She paused and said, “No…I mean the test was positive! You are pregnant!” My husband and I were in absolute SHOCK! I thought when she had said we have a positive, that she meant we had a green light to start the medication. I never expected to find out we had already gotten pregnant on our own!!
Apparently, this is pretty common, and why they make people wait a month to start the medication. A lot of times it is the stress of trying to conceive that messes things up. By eliminating the overachiever mentality and the pressure of it all, the stress level came down and the hormones and the body were in a better place to have optimal conditions to let things happen on their own. I couldn’t have been happier…the only negative side to it all was that I found out so early on that I was only 2 weeks pregnant. With my first son, I was 8 weeks along before I found out. Needless to say, this made for a VERY long pregnancy.
At my first check-up with my midwife, they gave me my due date: November 31st. I went to work the next day and told everyone and they were so excited. About halfway through the day, one of the doctors I worked for stopped in her tracks and said, “Wait…there IS no November 31st!” I completely freaked out and called my Midwife’s clinic and told them they needed to give me a new due date RIGHT AWAY!! Of course, they gave me December 1st instead of November 30th. That was a whole extra day I had to wait!
Did I ever mention that I have absolutely NO patience? I am the WORST about waiting. When I want something, I want it NOW. And I usually make it happen. And that went for this baby as well. Although there was nothing I could do about how long it would take. Each day I became more anxious, restless, and the definition of a busybody. I was going 100 miles a minute, staying very busy with work, planning, decorating, planning, preparing and did I say planning? I was the Energizer Bunny of stress and anxiety. I got hooked on that damn tv show A Baby Story and then Maternity Ward which only increased my anxiety. Finally, my husband insisted I stop watching it. I would watch it in secret if I ever happened to be home alone and then realized I had a problem! So I cut myself off cold turkey.
We had our ultrasound and found out we were having a boy! A little brother for my Z. We decided it was now time to think about names! We both got a post-it note and wrote down 10 names that we liked. We knew we wanted either an Italian name or a Japanese name to honor our families. After about 15 minutes, we showed each other our lists and the name Paolo was the only name on BOTH of our lists! And so it was decided. Which worked out well because our first choice prior to doing this was going to be Akio. Ikea opened in Portland 2 years later and as soon as we found out, we knew we made the right choice. Akio and Ikea were just way too close and that would not have been fun for him. As with most of us, he has had his share of difficulties with his given name. At a very early age, he would say, “It is POW-LOW”, while hitting his hand with his fist and then pointing down for a visual.
I finally started to try and enjoy the last bit of my pregnancy and even planned to take 2 weeks off before baby came so I could spend time with my older son, just the two of us, and get the final preparations done before the big arrival. Brother Bear had just come out in the theater and I took my 9yo to see it that Friday evening after my last day at work before my vacation and maternity leave started. We both bawled our eyes out during the movie. It was a perfect segway to all the emotions we were both about to feel. I felt a little funny after the movie and went to the restroom. Well, I would say TMI but this IS a pregnancy story so you knew what you were getting into…I lost my plug. And I lost that relaxed vacation mode feeling I was in for less than one day.
Less than 24hrs later I started having contractions and went to the hospital. My midwife was not there that evening but I was able to experience labor with the most amazing on-call midwife and I just knew it was her that was meant to be with me. I had planned to have a natural labor this time since I didn’t get to the first time, but things had escalated quickly and I was 6cm when I arrived. They said if I wanted an epidural it was now or never and even though that was probably not the right thing to say to me, I did not hesitate in saying, “Yes please!”. He was born 2 hours later. His big Brother Zarin was in the room with us (I later refer to this as the best birth control ever) and he wanted to be involved. When Paolo was almost out, he asked if he could cut the cord. The midwife sweetly let him know that since this was AG’s (my husband’s) first child, he was looking forward to doing that, but that she had another job in mind for him.
She gently nudged him toward the baby that had just had his head birthed and his shoulders were next. She grabbed Zarin’s hands and said, “Put them under his arms and pull”. Zarin’s eyes were as big and bright as two moons as he followed her instructions and pulled his brother out so very carefully. We were all crying and it was just magical! My husband cut the cord and they handed our baby boy to him. Before passing him to me, he held him up, looked at him right in the eyes with tears still streaming down, and said in a very loving and serious tone, “Please use your powers for good”. Then it was my turn to hold this baby that I felt like I had waited forever for. My Paolo, our Pojinator, Mr. P, P-Man, Pow Pow…Po. He was 6 years old before he finally let me stop holding him.
I am a firm believer that however you felt during pregnancy, will be the personality of your child. My sweet Poji was such a good boy but so anxious and so impatient, just like I was while he was in my belly. His first little sentence was, “Uppy me”. He was glued to me. Would never let anyone else hold him. Always had one hand down my shirt and I had to lay with him until he was completely asleep before I could leave the room. From about age 3, he would regularly ask, “Can you feel my forehead?” or “Can you feel my heart?” That was his way of checking in and making sure he was ok. He was very concerned about it but was always a healthy child. He is 19 now and always comes to me for advice, still asks me to feel his forehead, and never leaves without saying I love you. Wouldn’t trade that for the world.
I know many of you know exactly what I mean with a lot of the things I am sharing. I love how different every child is but how similar they are too. It makes me realize that as parents, we are going through so many of the same things while perhaps not at the same exact time together, but at some point in our parenting, we have been there. I also know that my story of waiting and longing is nowhere near as long as others have had to wait or as challenging as it has been for some. I see and support you and would truly love to hear your story so please feel free to share whether it be here or when we strike up a conversation or in an email.